Kids, Divorce, and Counseling, Pt. 2

 

 

Does your child have a label?

I’m talking about a mental health diagnosis, a medical condition requiring “accommodation,” or an identified “learning” problem requiring special education services.

If so, how’s that working out?

I should say right off that I’m not one of those “contrarians” who thinks those labels are totally bogus and accuses the various professionals of using them to provide jobs for themselves.

You’d be a tad right to detect a bit of world-weary skepticism on my part, but I need to be clear: my beef is mostly with parents.

Many parents are not collaborating with the “team,” or monitoring what’s going on, the way they should be, and even though going through a divorce and being a single parent makes it much harder – it’s still what needs to be done.

Yes, I do have concerns about kids and medications, and I’ve written elsewhere about some of my problems with Special Education.

I’m thinking especially of those initial meetings where the Individualized Education Plan (IEP) for a Special Ed student are created, which too often become an exercise in managing the words used to define and then address a “problem” – the real focus fixed firmly on legal obligations and the available staffing of the Special Ed Department.

But divorce, as monumental as it is, exacerbates the “disconnect” between families and the Special Ed team far more than it should. It should be the other way – the reason to connect even more frequently than ever.

The truth is most professionals are trained to respond to news of divorce promptly, constructively, and compassionately  – and are very tuned in to the ways the distress may effect your child

It’s usually parents who don’t stay on top of the basics.

So, again: counseling can be helpful, or it can be a total waste of money.

Participate, cooperate, collaborate but, – above all – notice!  Pay attention to what’s going on.

Professional help is good, but it’s not magic.

Kids need their parents to stick with them – and not let divorce make them crazy. It’s parents and consistent, active parenting that kids need most – not professionals.

Children would trade professional “services” for solid parenting in a heartbeat.